Before the concert...

I find myself again in an all-too-familiar “pre-concert mood”…

I am playing, together with a good friend of mine, next Wednesday, at a Conservatoire down in the centre of Athens. Actually, this is the conservatoire where I studied, ages ago.

This is the first time that I have done a joint recital: the program consists of a combination of solo pieces and works for four hands. My solo contribution will be Bach’s “Concerto After Marcello”, a wonderful – though not so well-known transcription of a concerto for oboe written by Alessandro Marcello-, and then two Rachmaninoff pieces. Spyros (a wonderful pianist) will play Chopin and Debussy.

We will in the end play a most interesting version of Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue”, for four hands, written by Henry Levine. I had initially my doubts about this one, but when I saw and studied the score (by the way it has never been performed in Greece before, I gather), I’ve realised that it “works” well for the piano, and I am really looking forward to it…

Now, what’s that “pre-concert mood”?...

It’s something strange really, it’s like a general negativity towards anything related to music, piano and the like. It is as if an aversion to what I am doing overcomes me one week before any concert, and I cannot find a way to escape this feeling. It has, of course, psychological grounds, related possibly to the stress that one experiences before any important event. Still, it’s quite annoying! I am unable to enjoy my concerts while performing – only afterwards: then, immediately, the perspective shifts again, everything goes back to normal. But again, the challenge to “live the present moment” seems to have been lost. How sad.

Yet, on another level, this strange mood has a positive effect on me. For instance, I often feel forced to sort of stop and think about myself – who am I, where am I going, why am I doing this etc... I don’t expect rational answers to all these endless questions but somehow I feel that the fact alone that I ask them (seriously, not superfluously that is) helps cultivate a growing sense of self-awareness, which is crucial. If this is true, then maybe all concerts also have “consequences” which are unrelated to music - they have served as signposts in an internal procedure towards maturity.

We have another 5 days until the concert, so I may come back on the subject…